If it’s Tuesday – even a little later than normal on Tuesday – it must be True Crime Tuesday.
Today I bring you two tales of feminine wiles and fury. To start off, I’d like to note that, as a group of people living a pro-blade lifestyle, figure skaters are a surprisingly gentle lot – well, most of the time, as Vice reports.
A figure skating feud is brewing in Sweden.
To my mind that means impending triple Lutzes, but “Christine”, a member of the Landskrona Figure Skating and Sport Club (LKSK) feels that a competing group, GF Sport Figure-Skating, is truly taking things to a new level.
Christine had a hand in organizing LKSK, specifically as an antidote to GF’s monopoly on [local] figure skating education. Over the past few months, however, what could have been a spirited competition between two organizations with differing principles quickly turned bitter.For instance, LKSK provided loaner equipment to youngsters, contravening a longstanding GF policy.
This still seems like Bring It On on Ice, until:
GF responded by allegedly stealing the loaner equipment from Christine’s car. She’s certain GF-ers were the culprits because they disregarded her laptop during their burglary.
Okay, stolen equipment, could be a coincidence, could be the act of a misguided youth, I’m sure LKSK responded with a biting but well choreographed ice dancing routine, right?
It was supposedly LKSK thugs who upped the ante next by sending a letter to the GF’s treasurer Pauline Kronvall in which they ordered her to leave the GF board, or her children would be murdered.
– and someone stepped forward to make peace and bring reason back to an after-school activity for children, RIGHT?
[…]and last Wednesday a pet bunny was ripped to shreds in a late night raid on an organizer’s house.
[Christine’s] pet rabbit was decapitated, disemboweled, and had all its paws severed and laid out in a gruesome, Manson Family-style tableau.
On second thought, we may want to re-think sending these kids out with knives strapped to their feet.
At least, as NBC-2.com reports, Maria Montenez-Colon is a lover and not a fighter:
Police say the initial 911 call happened just after 6 p.m., when Maria Montenez-Colon complained that she wanted her Corvette back.
When the officer arrived at the Almar Drive home, he said Montenez-Colon was very drunk.
Of course, even drunken folks may have their corvette stolen – what they may not do, however, is fondle justice.
The 58-year-old immediately told the officer he was sexy and asked if he was married, according to the incident report.
While it’s not to my own taste, I understand that there’s a certain appeal to a uniform – so, how did Maria make her play to be held in the long arms of the law?
Montenez-Colon allegedly told the officer, “I haven’t been penetrated in years,” and “I am so horny.”
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Maria – subtlety is the secret to seduction. Try again.
The officer tried to steer the conversation back to the topic of the call, asking what he could do for her.
Montenez-Colon’s response was “You can [expletive] me,” according to the report.
In an incredible act of patience, the officer managed to get back to something that vaguely resembled a complaint, then he departed.
At least, until…
Less than an hour later, Montenez-Colon called 911 again, complaining the officer who was at her home “pissed her off.”
The original officer arrived, along with a second officer.
Having had time to think about it, however, I’m sure the second visit was considerably more appropriate.
Montenez-Colon reportedly complained about the original visit to the second officer, saying, “He was a perfect gentleman[…]”
– yes, good, good –
“[…]but when I asked him to [expletive] me, he turned me down so that made me angry.”
Bad, Maria! BAD!
When asked by the original officer if she remembered the conversation about misuse of 911, Montenez-Colon allegedly said, “I do, but how else am I going to get you to [expletive] me?”
Montenez-Colon was arrested for Misuse of 911 and booked into the Charlotte County Jail.
“When people continue to abuse the 911 system you gotta take a stand, you gotta take a position,” explained Lt. Joe King, Punta Gorda Police Dept.
Maria was pretty specific about just which position that should be, but it’s not something we should get into here.