Strocked

Strocking WomanI – I need to take a moment to discuss this ad I randomly encountered out in the open waters of the web.

Let’s say, for funsies, that the designer actually meant Stroking Woman, as “Strocking” sounds like something that’ll get you arrested pretty quickly.

In fact, if your skeezy cousin were busted for “suspicion of strocking” you probably wouldn’t even want to ask what exactly he’d done, you’d just shrug and accept it.

Anyhow.

Stroking Woman – is she a woman having a stroke? Is she a super heroine with the power to build up static electricity in cats? It’s hard to know, but it does seem like it has something to do with “Pleasure”, as it’s one of the few words the advertisement manages to convey in proper English.

Which brings up the next problem, woman strocking apparently has three stages: Cold, Hot – OOOOH, it’s trying to imply something sexual!

– but, wait, what’s that last option? ARRRRRR? Have I been misunderstanding women this entire time? Is a sign of peak sexual arousal a sudden urge to partake in high-seas piracy? Is “strocking” a nautical term?

I’m out of here before a pirate booty joke shows up, but I’m open to your suggestions in the comments.

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